Any literature referring to child development will affirm that from 0 to 3 years old, biting is a common behavior among children. It is common, but we, as educators and parents, should not underestimate or ignore this behavior. Common does not mean unimportant.
We need to think that biting doesn’t follow logic from an adult perspective. It’s not always about hurting or becoming an aggressive child or reproducing an action that he witnessed. Biting is a way of communicating, exploring, a substitute for what children still cannot express in any other way.
Until approximately 3 years of age, biting, even in children who are capable of verbalizing, reveals itself as an expression of frustration, anger, indignation, conflict, joy, attention, fear, defense, teething and emotional regulation.
Being at school is being in the world and the child’s life goes beyond the home. Many variables pass through this context. When children learn to socialize, they are faced with stimuli and challenges that involve emotions that have not yet been elaborated and are difficult to externalize consciously or in the way that adults understand.
For adults, it is up to them to observe, mediate and seek to anticipate the action, paying attention to the most impulsive moments.
Faced with the bite that has already occurred, it is appropriate to have a conversation, welcome those involved and, above all, help them to name, describing the situations. For example: “I understand that you were sad because you wanted the toy, but now you have it. Can we wait until he’s done or play with something else? Biting hurts your friend. Now let’s take care of our friend.”
The bitten child, in addition to being welcomed, also needs to hear and understand what happened: “Your friend bit you and you felt pain? Let’s take care of that pain. Our friend still hasn’t been able to talk to ask for the toy, but he will get it next time “.
The child who bites needs to be led to the understanding that he did something that is not approved and that there are other ways to resolve situations. Just saying “you can’t” or fighting does not add repertoire for the elaboration of actions and emotions.
In any case, accusing, judging, framing someone guilty does not contribute either. On the contrary, most of the time, it leads to the labeling of “the child who bites or hits”, not giving him the opportunity to occupy other possibilities of being in the group: the child who sings, who draws, who helps, for example.
Neither minimize situations nor exalt too much. Take the necessary measures and understand that the child’s time is not immediate and the challenges demand long-term processes that require constant attention and care.
Children are multiple in their abilities and potential. A careful look – at school and family – is essential for full cognitive, social and emotional development.